Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Steps, Steps, Waiting and Mysteries!

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So many things to share, but the Lord orders our steps, Amen? For quite a while it was looking pretty obvious something needed to change in our finances, and to change in a successful manner...that's the tricky part because there were a lot of almost successes that just never got off the ground. AND even more intriguing (in retrospect, not during the torment of waiting) was the waiting, the delays, the TORMENT of celebration, and thinking we had attained the goal of our faith, only to find out...nope...not yet. DELAYS.

God knows us best, and He knew we were all very comfortable and use to me being at home much of the time. He KNEW we weren't use to or ready for the invasion of employment, where you surrender your plans to the work schedule. So He prepared us over a period of time, and circumstances. From July until the week before Christmas it was a dance of finding the right job for me and for our family and for our unique transportation circumstances. It was: "I have one, no I don't, I have one, no I don't, I have one, no I don't". (don't ask - not worth going into, and was OOOOOOOHHH so VERY trying!) Not to be lost in all this was a similar dance with my husband's situation in his career. A special position was being crafted to fill a need for our community, that he was uniquely qualified and favored to fill. A true blessing of God. The path this blessing took paralleled my part time employment path, along with waiting, celebrations, delays, and MORE WAITING! :)

It was so obviously spiritual in nature -this path we were on. And I was one UNgracious waiter, let me tell you. I was by turns happy, distraught, ready to fight, but not knowing who, quietly waiting and then over time I turned more dociley into the arms of the Lord and as I did I was encouraged that though I didn't understand, my job was to be thankful, praise Him, and BELIEVE, ONLY BELIEVE, and always in every way DELIGHT myself in Him. Waiting from July to December wouldn't seem like so long, but you can go back to April, in 2008 when Hubs broke his arm, and see the path we were on, which led us to this very trying time. Really, everything was in the making and in progress for this crazy waiting period, and just culminated in the past 6 months. Chinese Water Torture...that's the phrase that comes to mind.

What I left out of my yo-yo emotions was cynicism, bitterness, and just a general wonder at who I was feeling and sounding like at times. Did I mention this WAS during the time of my youngest son being out of church for 1 year and 2 weeks? Did I mention that this was during the time of...well you get the picture...we all have our circumstances that we live through and by the Gentle and Merciful Grace of God we Overcome, We are Refined, We are made to shine, because there is now much more of Him in us!


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In every dilemma we faced, The Lord FAITHFULLY provided. We never went under, we might have struggled to believe we would make it. Sure. Was it always pleasant? Heck no. Did I have to learn to be assertive to the little nagging voice in my head? Yes I did. Come worrisome thoughts, then would come a song out my mouth praising God. I didn't have to feel it, ONLY BELIEVE. Believe in Him, Believe in Jesus as my covering, as my sufficiency, our Champion, KNOW that He was up to and is ALWAYS up to good on our behalf!

As my focus improved, my outlook (imagine that) improved. When I spent more time looking at Jesus, thinking on Him, and less time making lists of things we needed to do, and possible solutions, day by day the answers came. Not in my time. But, in His time! And guess what? His timing really WAS perfect! :)

Today as I write this, I am aware that He taught me things I couldn't have LEARNED, truly LEARNED any other way than in the mystery of waiting. NO ONE can take away what He has taught me, and my family during this time. We actually lived through a brief period of my husband and son having more hope and sunnier faith than me! It was good for us all, and prepared us for this season. I pray that I won't forget these things. Some treasures I learned I am more adept at walking out than others, but I also know that I am weak and He is strong and I might yet need reminding.

Today, all the things we were waiting for have come to fulfillment, plus more besides, and there is a growing sense that this is only the smaller half of it!

Somethings I know today: 1) The Lord IS my Shepherd and most importantly to my mother's heart - my sons' Shepherd. He will NOT fail to Shepherd my sons. 2) The Lord is our Provider. Not our employers. Not overtime. Not anything or anyone. Just Him. 3) Our employment is about where He needs us to be for a purpose and a period of time. 4) FOCUS on Jesus! Remember Peter? His desire wasn't to walk on water - it was to be with Jesus! 5) Praise Him! Thank Him! Always! Every day!

I just wanted to testify a little about my absences over the past year, so you could see into our lives a little, and I hope, be encouraged. He will never, never fail you!


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4 comments:

  1. Oh sweet sister I so understand...and the more I live the more I know that this waiting will never end. There will always be something for which to wait and see how God works it all out. So glad that your son's faith is stronger...that His timing was perfect for you. Love the pictures you posted with this. Thanks for your transparency and sharing what you have learned as you walk humbly with your God through this life. Hugs. Love always in Christ, Leslie

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  2. Seems we have been walking identical lives!
    There have been so many ups and downs in this past few years. And I have been at the point where I just wanted God to bring me home.
    And at the point where I didn't even care if He was teaching me something great...I just wanted Him to stop the world and let me get OFF.
    The trial/teaching period is not over yet...but I am beginning to see what He is doing in me.
    I am so glad you made it safely to where you are! And I am so glad that He gave you nuggets of gold that can not be taken from you.
    Love you girl!

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  3. Oh, my friend. I love you!
    And I love your testimony to God and His perfect faithfulness. He is good. Yes, He is!

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  4. Maria, your attitude is so lovely! You speak of God's great love and care and faithfulness so well!

    Yes, dear friend, He is so good! And the things we suffer always have an end and always have a purpose!

    Thank you for sharing your heart! Beautiful!

    Much love,

    Andrea

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